Improve your Child’s Social Skills

Is your child shy, bossy, or just can’t seem to connect with others? Here are a few steps to help your child deal with their peers as well as adults. You might want to role play a couple of the steps with your child. If they have siblings you can get them involved as well. If you have a child with ADD or ADHD they might have social problems because they get easily distracted or have impulsive behavior. Children with ADHD can have an extra hard time with their peers, so it’s that much more important to help them.

Step one, teach your child to acknowledge others. Acknowledging others doesn’t mean letting your child burst in and out of a room with a hello to no-one in particular. When guests enter your home or come into a room your child should either, come and greet them or at least stop what they are doing, look the person in the eye and say hello. That’s a start. Also, teach your child to say goodbye. More than once I’ve seen parents who don’t bother doing either. It can simply be because they weren’t taught to do it themselves. Or, and here’s where there’s no excuse, they don’t want to deal with their children getting upset if they have to turn off the T.V. or stop a game in progress. But if you don’t teach your children social skills and basic good manners who will? Social skills start at home. Which brings me to, are you a parent who rarely says “please” or “thank you” or who is brisk with others or frequently interrupts others when they are speaking? As the saying goes, “Monkey see, monkey do.”

Step two, show your child how to make friends. If your child is shy or socially awkward teach him or her how to go up to another child and ask in a friendly manner if they can join in their game. I believe it’s important to role play if the child says yes, as well as, no. You can explain to your child that sometimes another child wants to play alone and it doesn’t have anything to do with them. Some children take things very personally. If you have an extra sensitive child work with them on this. Now what if your daughter is bummed because she wants to be friends with the-girl-next-door, Sally, but Sally doesn’t want to be friends with her because your daughter doesn’t share her enthusiasm for baby dolls? You’ll have to help your daughter find some other basis for friendship. Find out what other things Sally likes. Maybe she likes toy horses, magic tricks, or it could be both girls end up liking to make jewelry. Now for your son. What if he wants to fit in with the other school boys and yet to his regret he seems to possess two left hands and feet when it comes to sports? Either you or husband might need to go out and actually play soccer/T-ball/basketball/etc. with your son, enroll him in a sports camp or afternoon sports or get another adult or older sibling to help out. Some kids really want to fit in. That’s human nature. If your son is up for task, give any assistance you are able to give. Now what if your child has a difficult time making and keeping friends because of a forceful personality? I had an acquaintance once who dealt with a young boy who showed me his way of making friends. He ran up to a pretend kid and commanded him to let him play ball now. He was actually surprised when I said I wouldn’t want to play with him if he said that to me. I explained to both, him and his nanny, ways in which he could interact pleasantly with other children. His nanny later informed me she was working with him on his bossy behavior but he was still struggling. Habits are hard to break. However, he was having additional difficulty with making and keeping friends because he had a problem keeping his hands to himself, plus he was known to fly off the handle if he lost a game. I was told word on play yard was he was a loose cannon. This made him sad, which in turn made him angry. He would lash out at other kids. His nanny and mother would explain to him this wasn’t the way to make friends. You can’t make other kids like your child. So what do you do if your child has a tough time making friends? Place your child in social situations where they can meet other kids who share their interests. Does your child like acting? Enroll them in an afternoon drama class. Does he or she have a passion for chess? Have them join a chess club. It’s sad for a child to think they don’t have any friends so as a parent you can step in, but do stress to your child that if they really want friends they have to work at it. Case in point: I met a little girl who complained she had no friends. The mother, who wanted to help out, stated she kept enrolling her daughter in different classes, but it didn’t do any good. Her daughter found fault with the classes, the other girls, and her teachers. The same went for her school and the people there. The young girl had a negative attitude. To her dismay others didn’t always want to do what she wanted to do. Or play how she wanted to play. Relationships of all kinds take nurturing, cooperation and compromise.

Step three, teach your child how to read non-verbal social signals. Some children have a hard time reading these social cues. Other children need help because their mind tends to wander so they don’t pick up on them. It’s important to be able to pick up on and interpret non-verbal social signals from facial expressions and body language. Social situations aren’t just about verbally communicating, people also frequently communicate in non-verbal ways. Teach your child to stop, look, and focus. This can be very hard with a child with ADHD but instead of giving up because it’s too much effort, keep at it. You can role play situations that occur at school or talk about situations that might occur. Such as, what if on the school yard one child demands the handball from another who is backing off, what does that mean? What if a first grader trips and falls and his face expresses pain? Why would laughing be inappropriate and unproductive? You can also try this, when you’re out and about, like at a museum or a park, have your child from a distance watch other children’s reactions to what’s occurring around them. You don’t need to talk about it then, but maybe on the car ride home you can discuss some of the non-verbal signs your child picked up on.

Step four, teach your child the importance of empathy. Some children seem to have a naturally empathy towards others plights. Others kids are just too distracted to be aware of them. It’s not that they don’t care; their minds are just busy with other thoughts. Other children have a hard time caring. Once again teach your child to stop, look, and focus on what’s happening. If you have a child who is deemed by their peers to be a bully, stop and think why that is. Yes, it could be they have a low self-esteem and feel the need to pick on others, or they have a more aggressive nature; however, it could also be they have a tough time understanding and identifying with another’s feelings.

Last point to be made: Discussing and role playing can help, but being in the thick of it, the actual social situation, is where it counts. Some children, especially those who have ADHD might have a difficult time. When you see your child making a genuine effort in their interaction with others at home or at school (you can talk to their teacher) reward it. Either with praise or extra stars if you have a star chart for them. (10 stars can equal extra play time with an activity they like or making something special, like pizza or cookies). By doing this you are reinforcing the fact they are on the right course.

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Tagged with: child's • IMPROVE • skills • Social

Filed under: Sign Language for Kids

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